REVIEW: Toxic Love by Kristopher Triana

 

Well, that was an experience... 

TOXIC LOVE is unlike any other book I've read, though the bizarro fiction of Carlton Mellick III comes close. 

Mike Ashbrook is a crime scene cleaner. After the murder, suicide, or death by natural causes, once the police and crime scene investigators have left, after the body (or bodies as is generally the case here) have been taken to the morgue, all that's left behind is body fluid, stains, and small remains. That's where Mike's talents are put to use - sure it's not a great job but it pays the rent and when you've got little by way of job prospects on the horizon and an estranged family needing cash for various expenses, you gotta do what you gotta do. 

Little did Mike know, that, in his mid forties, working a dead end job would lead to a whole new life (both in terms of sex and money). Maybe mopping up blood and collecting skull fragments off the floor ain't so bad after all? 

Naturally the cleaning business doesn't lend itself to long term employees, so when newcomer Sage (a twenty something sexpot) joins Mike on the job as the latest hire, he's thinking he'll be up for a new partner before the end of their first clean-up job together. Instead, he ends up banging Sage on the floor in a pool of the deceased blood...yeah gross... 

That's pretty much how the bulk of the story plays out. Sage is a freak who loves to screw in the fluid the cleaning crew are hired to mop up. Sadly, not all the guys Sage meets are up for this kind of action...good thing Mike's short of morals (though there is some inner turmoil (which largely evaporates are the sight of Sage's bare breasts)) and lacks will power. 

Once the shock value wears off, (which takes some time, believe me), the story clicks over at a steady pace with Sage's desires becoming increasingly taboo - from self harm, to necrophilia to murder, with Mike coming along for the ride - literally. Despite the graphic nature of the content, both Mike and Sage are enjoyable characters who bring life to the tale focused on death.

I was pleasantly surprised at the depth to TOXIC LOVE, in particular the criminal elements which complemented the main story nicely. The introduction of Sage's cousin into the mix was a nice touch and provided a different lens to the horror-erotica.  

TOXIC LOVE is a niche read. If you dig Bizarro/horror-erotica/splatter-punk etc. then this one is perfect for you. As a reader who is relatively new to this style of book, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get into it, however I found myself unable to put it down until I'd consumed all there was to offer.

REVIEW: Paradise Club by Tim Meyer

 

Wow! That was brutal!

I could end the review there really...

PARADISE CLUB is not for the feint of heart. It you're a reader who shies away from copious amounts of blood and gore, or scenes which teeter on the edge of bizzaro-fiction / extreme-horror then PARADISE CLUB isn't for you. If, on the other other hand, you like your horror to be a full immersive experience, viscera and all - then step right up because author Time Meyer sure has served a feast! 

Elliot Harper, an FBI agent, and his family win a vacation to a secluded island (along with some 600 other guests) where they'll be pampered, enjoy crystal clear water and be treated some exotic cuisine. What the pamphlet neglected to mention was that the guests would also be treated to a very exclusive and dangerous game - the Skirmish. More on that later.

Pretty early on in the piece, Elliot knows something isn't right...accidentally stumbling upon a man being tortured and killed in the basement of the hotel you're staying will give you those 'feel bad vibes'. In no time at all the resort is overrun by killer clowns, chainsaw wielding lumberjacks and samurai's to name a few, hellbent on murdering the guests in the most macabre way. Good stuff. 

Horror fans will immediately think of The Purge, which is apt - after all, a select few get free reign on mass murder, but there's a difference. Rather than 'purging America', this group of costumed killers is contributing to a Lovercraftian cause to raise an ancient race! Didn't see that coming did you? The Skirmish is a bloody means to an end which threatens all participants (killers included - there's no discrimination here with some pretty gory murderer-on-murderer violence). 

I had a blast reading PARADISE CLUB which just happened to be my first read by author Tim Meyer and I can tell you, it won't be the last!

REVIEW: The Charnel Caves by Guy N Smith

 

Before I begin my review of THE CHARNEL CAVES I need to disclose that, whist I've read loads of books by Guy N Smith, his renowned 'Crabs' series has remained somewhat elusive to me (it's kinda hard getting hold of those glorious paperbacks in Australia in 2022!), meaning...CHARNEL CAVES is my first foray into the renowned creature feature series by the perennial horror master. 

THE CHARNEL CAVES is the eighth (not including graphic novels, chap books, or short story collections) and final book in the series.  

Note to first time 'Crabs' series readers - this is not the place to start. You will have fun but I strongly recommend taking to the time to read the other books in the series - I felt this would've been much more enjoyable with all that detailed backstory to support the cruel crustacean invasion! 

Now that's all out of the way - what did I think of the book? 

Well...it had its moments...

THE CHARNEL CAVES sees a small resurgence of the long thought extinct monster crabs following a spate of gruesome human deaths off the Welsh coast. However, whilst the crabs would prove to be the culprits, author Guy N Smith does his best to impress upon the reader a new threat! One more menacing than those pesky overgrown crabs (read the book to find out what)! 

While the smoke and mirrors added a little something extra to the sea food broth, ultimately, THE CHARNEL CAVES is about those famous monster crabs and their never ending thirst for human flesh. 

Kept largely to a small cave, the group of crabs manage to cause a lot of chaos. Enter Pat, a character from a previous installment (I think...) who had faced these monsters previously and lived to tell the tale. He's on the coast to conquer his fears, much to the chagrin of his partner. What was meant to be a form of therapy for Pat turns into warfare, as once, again, man verses beast in a final battle to determine who is the dominant species once and for all!

Spoiler - it's the humans. 

THE CHARNEL CAVES is all killer, no filler. On the surface this seems like a good deal for readers, however both plot and character development suffer. Even the threat of world war three doesn't add much depth. It's almost as if THE CHARNEL CAVES was written for a graphic novel, in which case, the scrip and pace would've been perfect.  

Overall, I still enjoyed popping my Crabs cherry with THE CHARNEL CAVES. If anything it's got me even more eager to hunt down all the books in the series!

REVIEW: Clusterfuck by Carlton Mellick III

THE BRO CODE #76

A bro always has his bro's back, especially when being hunted by subterranean cannibal mutants. 

A handful of frat boys and their "girlfriends" (aka glorified f*ck buddies) decide to go spelunking in a little known cave system hidden deep inside a mountain range. Despite having zero experience (aside from watching cave-crawling documentaries on pay TV that is), the group's lack of know-how doesn't deter them. Their supreme confidence and extreme (Dean!) nature for living life to the fullest is all the knowledge they need to conquer the depths of the unknown - who knows, maybe they'll get famous after discovering a new cave dwelling species or something? 

Yeah...no.

Clusterfuck is... well.. awesome. 

There, I said it. Much like Apeshit before it, Clusterfuck has loads of over the top horror in the most macabre way, but somehow author Carlton Mellick III just makes it work...Sure, having a character who loves to bake her own faeces (and other bodily fluid) into cookies and meat pies for her friends is gross but somehow Mellick weaves this into the story so well that it actually feels natural (I kinda threw up in my mouth a little after writing that but it's the truth). 

Strange baking techniques aside, Clusterfuck has similar survival horror themes to other cave dwelling horrors like Hell-O-Ween; a group of characters get stuck in a cave and have to survive an onslaught of horror troupes until day break. Unfortunately for these characters in Mellick's world, they're unable to leave the cave, even after besting their horrible foes...(read Apeshit, Clusterfuck's spiritual prequel, it'll all make sense). 

To spice things up a little, one of the female characters has a hidden talent...turning into a jaguar when angry...who would've thought? Not the cave dwelling mutant/cannibals that's for sure! There's a lot to take in here, but, as mentioned earlier, it somehow fits the narrative perfectly. 

Call it bizzaro. Call it splatterpunk, call it extreme horror. Whatever suits your fancy, Clusterfuck is pure, unadulterated fun. Read it, don't take it seriously, and have a blast! 

REVIEW: Saurian by William Schoell

It's a monster! 

No, it's a alien!

No, it's a dinosaur!

No - it's a shapeshifting alien monster dinosaur which can morph from humanoid form to large reptile in a matter of moments! Logic be damned! This is Saurian by William Schoell... 

Published during the golden (if I can call it that) era of mass market horror paperbacks in the 1980's, Saurian takes the creature feature sub genre to the extreme, with Schoell throwing every bat sh!t crazy idea he can think of at the wall to see if it sticks and by the looks of it, said wall ended up pretty damn poop-smeared once all's said and done. 

Tom, the sole survivor of a 'natural disaster' (if an alien monster dinosaur attack can be considered a natural disaster), has minimal to no recollection of the extinction level event which crippled his childhood beachside slum. As an adult he knows something wasn't right about the terrifying event, his nightmares are proof of that! Glimpses of a large predatory eye, sharp teeth and a massive bulk which darkened the sky haunt his nightly slumber. There's just got to be more to the story...and there is. 

Enter the society of crazy people who believe in these alien beings. Together with Tom, they hatch a plan to unveil the shapeshifter to the world to prove they've been right all along! 

You really need to suspend your sense of reality with this one. Morphing aside, the fact that the authorities or anyone for that matter doesn't cotton on the strange happenings is a but of a stretch but then again, these books are meant to be read with plausibility in mind.  

Overall, Saurian is a fun creature feature which doesn't take itself seriously. I'd recommended picking this one up if you come across it in the wild. 

Pick Up A Pulp [87]: SIN DOLL by Orrie Hitt

 

"Your beauty. you're a very beautiful girl, Cherry. Not only your face by your body."

   "Well, thank you."

  "You could do something with it if you wanted to. You could make your beauty pay you some pretty big dividends. Do you know that?" 

Right from the outset, you know what sort of book this is. 

Originally published in 1959, the sleaze racket of the time could be considered moderate by today's standards, however, for Cherry, the buxom beauty at the centre of the plot, 1959 was a time when nudity and posing for pictures was near one of the worst professions a girl on the make could have. The only problem was - she needed money and was prepared to put her morals aside to get that green - to an extent that is. 

Singing in cafe's, undertaking menial work in factories and working as a receptionist/bookkeeper didn't provide enough dough to make way for the big smoke, that, coupled with a deadbeat boyfriend with an equally dead end job, lead Cherry down a path she never thought she'd walk; posing for nudes pictures. 

Seems a little tame, however when accosted to ramp things up and move into filming R-rated acts with strangers, the line she'd not cross was firmly drawn and oddly enough - her firm 'no' resulted in better long term life prospects. Enter Tom, her photographer who happened to be madly in love with her, whispering sweet nothings and promising her a wedding ring and to keep the nude pictures he took of her to himself - damn the money! Cherry seems pleased with this, however, life has a way of complicating things...if only she didn't have these other urges...

Sin Doll is pure sleaze pulp; from big city dreaming Cherry down to Millie, a stripper/sex worker who tries and succeeds in helping Cherry discover her sexual orientation, the pages drip with lust.

Yet there's more to the story which makes Orrie Hitt's style so easily readable and enjoyable. True, sexploitation is the name of the game, however Cherry's character is as well rounded as her curvaceous wares with Hitt writing her as a fully independent woman with sass and charisma to burn with a sense of self worth which puts her head and shoulders above the males who try (and fail) to take advantage of her. I wouldn't go as far as calling this a 'coming of age story', however there are some themes akin to that style of narrative. 

REVIEW: Hell-O-Ween by David Robbins

Halloween night sees the mysterious Caverna del Diablo play house to a group of teens looking to scare one of their classmates out of his mind. Who would’ve thought it would be those cruel pranksters who’d be the first to fall to pieces (literally) on the scariest night on the calendar? 

A spooky Halloween themed romp this is not. There’s no costume dress up, no trick or treating, and no mass consumption of candy. The  author simply uses the celebration of the ‘dead returned’ as a means to get a bunch of horny teens (three couples and two uncomfortable outcasts) into a dire situation deep inside a the caverns of a supposedly haunted cave. 

The teens are pretty generic for these types of books but that doesn’t make them any less readable. I mean, they’re generally written as fodder for the proverbial meat grinder and that’s exactly the way their short spans play out with each couple slowly but steadily falling under the blood lust gaze of the cave dwellers, until meeting their gruesome demise. A sturdy stomach is required to get through some of the chapters… 

There is, however, a shallow undercurrent of a backstory; class nerd Cory Fleming doesn’t know why he’s suddenly invited to hang with the cool group of kids on Halloween, but doesn’t give the invite much thought, after all, his long time crush is part of said group so maybe he stands chance at wooing her with his nerdiness so she leaves her jock boyfriend and swoons into his open arms? Not as unlikely as you’d think… 

Turns out Cory is the pawn in a cruel game and finds himself stranded in the dark without a light source, left to wade his way through the darkness with little hope of reaching the surface. I found the bullying more hard to swallow than the other horror elements, so reader beware. 

Hell-O-Ween is a lot of fun once you get passed the bullying elements. At it’s core it’s a survival horror with some nice tension and a heathy dose of sex thrown in to keep things firmly in the R-rated section of the horror aisle. The characters, as mentioned serve their purpose and make for decent reading despite not hanging around all that long.

This is the first horror novel of David Robbins’ I’ve read (first novel was Blood Cult) and I really liked it. I’ll certainly be on the look out for more! 

REVIEW: Bury Me Deep by Christopher Pike

 

I've never known a character to sleep so much in a book as poor, gorgeous, Jean, an 18yr old student, fresh out of school after finishing her last exam, who trades in text books for a bikini and the promise of a care free week in Hawaii with a couple of her girlfriends. However, rather than lapping up the sun, she ends up napping and missing all the fun. 

First nap: en route to Hawaii aboard the airplane. Seems fair enough, however Jean's nap comes within minutes of the passenger seated next to her having died following some sort of seizure....her sleep isn't shock induced, rather, she's just tired. Poor Jean. 

Second nap: Hawaii here we come! After catching up with her two equally gorgeous/supermodel-like friends, Jean visits the land on nod again after unpacking at the hotel. It's so draining getting from the airport to the hotel! 

Third nap: Following a crash course in scuba diving with a two attractive/supermodel guys (there's a theme here...), Jean just can't keep her eyes open! I mean, she's only had two naps today and a third is definitely needed after all this physical exertion in the training pool!  

Then, after a busy day of napping, witnessing a young man die horribly on the plane, partying with the hot scuba instructors it's time to hit the sack for the night - being Jean is hard work dammit and she needs her beauty sleep to maintain her, um, beauty? It's not really clear why she sleeps so much... 

Sleep aside, the Hawaii trop is an ill-fated holiday destination if ever there was one. When she's not napping her life away, Jean is carelessly throwing herself in front of danger. Be it in the form of merciless killers or playing Russian roulette with her oxygen supply during a deep dive at night, alone, and in a dangerously tight and twisty underwater cave system...not the brightest crayon in the pack is Jean. Then there's the supernatural element to the story...conversations with a ghost (could be a talk show) in a strange otherworld realm...Naturally her friends think she' batsh!t crazy when she tries to apply logic when recounting said conversations, and really, she kind of is...

Bury Me Deep, despite the emphasis on the land of nod, is a pretty decent light-hearted thriller with some horror thrown in for good measure. Reading it is like slipping into a nice warm bath on a cold day, it's relaxing and enjoyable and you can check your brain out at the door and leave the real world behind for a while. 

REVIEW: The Keep by F. Paul Wilson

 

A Nazi occupied Keep, high in the Transylvanian Alps is the source of mystery and murder. Each night a solider is brutally murdered, coming to light each morning and bringing with it a fresh serving of terror. For Woermann, the commander in charge, the night terrors are even more disturbing given the lack of evidence to support foul play. With panic mounting among the troops, Woermann has little choice but to seek the assistance of the SS. However, not even the extermination squad can stop the killings, that is, until, a Jewish academic and his attractive daughter are brought to the Keep to solve the mystery...

Professor Theodor Cuza and daughter Magda are reluctant to assist the Germans, especially given the backdrop of WWII, however have little choice but to go along with the SS's demands for answers. With a handful of recently discovered ancient text books to wade through, the Cuza's know their success is limited and that both could very well end up as casualties in the world wide conflict. Set to work in a cold, dark and dank room in the Keep, the two have no idea what awaits them when the sun goes down. 

Enter Molasar, a vampiric-like entity who somehow manages to restrain himself from taking a bite out of the every so sweet Magda, to be the eventual saviour, or so it seems... 

The Keep (1981) has a gothic feel to it while still reading like a traditional vampire story. The mysterious Molasar is the typecast Dracula (at least for a while) with Theodor Cuza assuming the role of Renfield and Magda, of course, the forbidden fruit, succulent, sexy and incredibly desirable - her innocence begging to be taken away by the Nazi occupiers (at least from the perspective of said Nazi occupiers, Magda, for her part wants nothing to do with them). 

As you'd expect the supernatural element is the story's backbone and it fits in seamlessly with the WWII setting, meshing otherworldly horrors with the very real and present ones made of man. I won't spoil the finer details, but needless to say, the horror is amped up once Molasar is unearthed so to speak.

Shambling corpses, vampiric-like war lords, Nazi occupiers, a good verses evil battle to the death, and a cast of intriguing and well written characters make for a fun read full of scary moments. I highly recommended checking this one out! 

REVIEW: Coma by Robin Cook

 

Savvy and seductive third year medical student, Susan Wheeler has just started working at the Boston Memorial Hospital when, on her first ward round she falls for a patient about to head into the OR for surgery. Little did she know that her all too brief conversation with the dreamy patient was to be her last, as, like too many other patients at the Memorial, he falls into a coma during surgery. 

Something isn't right, Susan just knows it - and it's not her overly active womanly emotions leading her astray (though she does consider this; the ever-present conundrum - am I simply a woman or a doctor? hmmm...). Unfortunately for Susan, every medial head of unit (including the doctor tasked with babysitting the med students) thinks Susan is a woman - I mean, she has curves! and is cute! So how can she possibly be taken seriously by any of the dinosaur male chauvinistic pigs running the place! In their wise eye's she's trouble.

In a book where an attempted rape is warranted because the intended victim gives off vibes of wanting 'it', where woman's rights are nonexistent, where too many patients are comatose following surgery, and where a secret state funded facility is purpose built to house said comatose patients, there's little reality to the horror/thriller story - so, don't take it too seriously. Much of the premise is laughable and won't appeal to many readers in this day and age, however, taken for what it is - I had a lot of fun - if not for the sheer audacity of the portrayal of Susan's character and the cookie cutter males who interacted with her. This is another worthy entry into the annals of the paperbacks from hell! 

REVIEW: Evil Eye by Ehren M. Ehly

"Looks like a plague hit New York, man. An' if you catch that old woman's evil eye, you might as well be dead, because she'll get you in the end, one way or another."

Who knew that some terse words and a loaf of bread is all it takes to extract a curse from a dying man? Well, in an unnamed Egyptian city in 1919 – that’s how a mysterious presence was forcibly removed from some poor soul thanks to the dedicated chanting of a crazed priest. Absorbed into said loaf of bread, the intention was to divvy the evil bounty among a handful of clearly delusional servants who would promptly die following consumption. It looked like a win-win for the church and city at large; evil curse thing goes away, and, as a bonus – there’s a few less mouths to feed.

 

Fast forward some 60-ish years (the timing isn’t really a thing with this story), and what seems to be a random one-eyed hunchback homeless person putting a curse on equally random upper class people is anything but! No! This random weird looking angry lady is in fact from said unnamed Egyptian city! And is now scaring the crap at passers by on the streets of upper-class New York. Turns out old hunchback stole the cursed bread and ate it all – the greedy b!tch! Rather than die, she became cursed with the evil eye, and is rather well known in the criminal underworld…somehow…plot, like timing, isn’t much of focus here…

 

The centre of attention revolves around a prominent family business ran by the Forrester brothers; ruthless real estate moguls who double as shady incestuous businessmen and the many curses bestowed upon them by the scary hunchback lady. There’s a link to characters which plays out over time but you need to suspend your belief; think Bold and the Beautiful Halloween Special and you’ve got a good starting point.

 

Throw in a handful of mobsters, a pizza delivery guy, and a Chinese women held hostage by some very bad men and you’ve got a soupy mix of strange bundled into some awesome sauce of b-grade horror.

REVIEW: Dog Kill by Al Dempsey

Man's best friend becomes it's worst enemy in story about household pets (with some generically enhanced modifications) turning into bloodthirsty predators. 

Mel Ryan, former animal control agent, and new assistant to the Superintendent of the Brown County State Park was removed from his previous position after a harrowing incident involving stray dogs and an elk. Having thought he left the confronting incident behind, he finds himself once more embroiled in a brooding battle between man and animal.

With little rhyme or reason, household pets leave the safety of their homes to bond with strays, forming packs in dense woodland and spending their days searching for females in heat, fighting with one another, or brutally attacking rabbits. There's not a whole lot going on story-wise, however I did like the alternating chapters which switched perspective from dog to human and vice versa.

Dog Kill is full of over-the-top bloodthirsty action involving those lovable canine creatures (who aren't so lovable here...), with one particularly manic scene playing out at a primary school where a baseball and volleyball session becomes a game of doggy dodge ball as the small bales of pent up aggression seek solace in the flesh of easy targets. Parents and dog owners would do well to skip this chapter. 

Dog Kill is a difficult book to read at times, particularly the ending which pits man verses our humble companion in a showdown that's unsettling and tough to swallow. Anyone who shies away from confronting acts of fictional violence should take note before delving into this one; a light-hearted horror this isn't. 

REVIEW: Carnosaur by Harry Adam Knight

Ferocious predators, which should have long been extinct, break free from their confines and go on the hunt in search of prey. No human, caged chicken, or family pet is safe! No, this isn’t a Jurassic Park inspired spin-off, Carnosaur (1984) by Aussie author John Brosnan (writing as Harry Adam Knight), is on a different level of pulp-tastic horror.

 

Published some six years prior to Michael Crichton’s well known Dino-blood splatter romp, Carnosaur explores the test tube dino element much like Jurassic Park did, however the science is generally left to the footnotes as this story is all about killing off characters in the most gruesome way possible with little care for plausibility – it’s all part of the fun.

 

David Pascal, a journalist at a small town rag is the lead character who sniffs a good story from the smell permeating from the massacred chicken inside their demolished coup and smushed human bodies. He comes across as a bit of a wimp and has a tendency to whinge about everything in life, namely his ex with whom he ended the relationship with because she was destined to be more successful than him and he couldn’t possible stand that! Not to let his whinging ways deter him, David can sense that there’s something not right about the death and destruction and uses his powers of deduction to weasel his way into the secure compound of the resident bad guy, thanks mostly to catching the eye of the cougar nympho wife of said bay guy.

 

From that point forward, it’s all about survival of the fittest (or survival of those with the biggest guns) as the inevitable dinosaur escape ensures rendering the modern dominant species a little less dominant…

 

Carnosaur is a blast, chock block full of fun and inventive scenes of destruction which leave nothing to the imagination and with just enough tension to make you think for a split second the characters actually stand a chance against the supposedly extinct reptiles. The only downside to Carnosaur is that a sequel wasn’t published – there’s certainly more room for mayhem; sadly with the author having passed away sometime, the story starts and ends here.

 

The 1984 paperback is pretty scarce these days (I was super lucky to stumble across a copy in the wild), but never fear for the fine people at Valancourt Books have published a fresh new edition in 2022! Here’s the link to their website for more detail: Carnosaur by Harry Adam Knight, with a new introduction by Will Errickson. 

REVIEW: Gwen, In Green by Hugh Zachary

It was the plants that made me do it! I swear, it was the plants!!! 

Gwen and Gordon are a madly in love couple, living in a secluded homestead complete with a personal pond filled with clear water for swimming, plentiful plant life surrounding their compound, and woodland to get lost in. Its peace is something Gwen cherishes, until her world is turned upside down by greedy developers hellbent on destroying everything she's come to love. 

The change in Gwen's mood is apparent on a number of levels but the most surprising for Gordon is Gwen's attitude towards sex. She's insatiable, almost like she's been possessed by another woman, not that he's complaining, and aside from a few strange outbursts here and there (Gwen randomly talking nonsense for instance), he largely remains in a state of ignorance until the axe Gwen bears falls squarely on his shoulders... 

From prude to sexpot, the change in Gwen is a culmination of a strange allure to the flora surrounding her secluded home and the need to 'feel alive' as parts of the land are cleared by developers. Dead wood must be replaced by wood of another kind! In me! (paraphrased of course). 

The sexual tones of the novel are pitched perfect at adolescent teens and honey old men looking for a summer score - from nothing sexual to nympho; Gwen's wanton ways are a lure for many a horny male, which often ends in death. 

However, Gwen, In Green, is more than a book about voyeurism and weird married nymphomaniacs; there's a bigger picture at play - cosmic even! Yep, Gwen's ties with the soil, flora and fauna for that matter, go deeper than a strange kinship with plants, such as the Venus Flytrap being touted as an extraterrestrial, the seeds of which having traveled light years to Earth from, you guessed it, Venus! But only if the other characters in the book would understand...sadly they don't.

Gwen, In Green, is a lot of fun. It reads as a B-grade horror novel with some comedic overtones (not sure if by design but nevertheless it works) and colorful characters (primarily Gwen) who are a joy to read. I strongly recommended adding this Paperbacks From Hell re-issue to the collection. 

REVIEW: Imp by Andrew Neiderman

"He crawls. He climbs. He calls to me through the floor," she said in that loud whispering voice. "He blows through the boards and touches my hand. He touches my hand!"

Mary lives with a dark secret birthed from an even darker past. The ‘secret’ sleeps beneath the surface of her fictional reality in a dormant state, waiting for a crack in the façade to break through the veil and bring forth Satan to disrupt Mary’s ignorant bliss. Peaking up through the floorboards, poking through holes, dirty fingers reaching out to torment Mary, the ‘secret’ is nothing short of resilient and resourceful – until Mary beats the living crap out of it…
 
Faith, Mary’s adolescent daughter, is a victim of circumstance. Forced to live within the same walls as her mother’s secret, enduring Mary’s harsh way of life, always fearing holy retribution for mistakes not yet made; said mistakes often coming in the form of male students at the high school she attends. Faith’s upbringing isn’t that of a typical teenager – until a boy takes notice of her…then things get real interesting.
 
Imp shines a light on crazy and amps it ups with a side dose of unthinkable horror. The characters, primarily Mary and Faith are chalk and cheese, yet are so ingrained in their way of life it’s interesting to see how they interact with situations out of the norm; the Imp’s short reign of terror for instance really throws a spanner in the works – Satan is free and he’s three feet tall!

While horror is the name of the game, it doesn’t come in the form of the Imp, rather the all-too-crazy characters who subject the Imp to an inhumane way of life. Author Andrew Neiderman (of V.C. Andrews fame) does a great job at emphasising the good verse evil narrative while also presenting some b-grade horror fun for the enthusiasts. 

This isn’t your typical horror novel, it could easily get lost in the more serious side of things, however I enjoyed it and strongly recommend it for paperback from hell collectors (if just for the awesome cover alone!). 

REVIEW: The Nightmares on Elm Street, The Continuing Story Parts 1, 2, 3

Freddy Krueger was born amidst a raging fire in the old insane asylum on Elm Street, the bastard son of a beautiful young schizophrenic who died alone and unattended in the agony of childbirth. 

    Raised from infancy by a succession of ax murderers, rapists, and arsonists, young Freddy was adopted at an early age by a lonely pimp who hoped that the strange-looking boy might make himself someday useful... 

With an upbringing like that, Elm Street stood little chance of evading the permeating nightmare that is Freddy Krueger. Colleting the first three stories, The Nightmares on Elm Street are faithful renditions of the cult films, complete with cheesy one-liners, over-the-top gore, and colorful characters out of their minds on no-doze. 

Nancy Thompson is the tie that binds the stories; from victim in Part 1 to Dream Warrior in Part 3, Nancy's character adds continuity to the random acts of nighttime violence. Freddy for his part, is well written and true to form - morphing from car to bed, to other characters; his comedic chameleon qualities are ever present across all installments.  

Plot-wise there's not much going here; Freddy, horror personified simply attacks teens in their dreams, sometimes he breaks through the veil to spill his terror in the real world, but largely he just wants to hurt somebody. Said teens, however, are a tenacious bunch, who, at least while alive, don't make it easy for Freddy, fighting back by putting on their big person boots and confronting the burnt-headed-fedora-wearing-freak, um, head on... 

The steady evolution from scared teens to kicka$$ superheros is a theme which comes to fruition in Part 3 when the story takes a different turn from the preceding parts. No longer are the Elm Street teens at the mercy of Freddie's finger knives, they're taking the fight direct to him in a bloody and gore-filled battle across multiple dreamscapes. 

Along with the catchy rhyme, these stories are pretty memorable; Freddy snatching a sleeping teen from within the mattress is horror gold and the Dream Warriors banding together x-men style to take down Freddy in the boiler room is great stuff. 

Short, sharp and super fun - The Nightmares on Elm Street, The Continuing Story Parts 1, 2, 3 is a must have in the paperback horror collection.

One, two Freddie's coming for you.

Three, four, better lock your door.

Five, six, grab your crucifix.

Seven, eight, gonna stay up late.

Nine, ten, never sleep again!

REVIEW: Fleshbait by David Holman and Larry Pryce

 

Mark Nelson, a zoologist and Kathy Wilding, a marine biologist are at the epicentre of a radioactive spill which threatens to turn evolution on its head; mankind’s reign as the dominant species is in danger thanks to some muscled up and brain bursting aquatic creatures!

Set in the British county, Cornwell, Fleshbait poses the often asked heavily debated question of; What would fish do if the hook, line, and sinker were on the other gill?

And the answer?
 
Well, they’d murder every human they come into contact with, using their superior school of muscle to drown those air breathing, land-dwelling a##holes and then they’d take their remains to an underwater hideout to be kept as crustacean coated trophies until the meat was all eaten away, leaving the skeletons to blend in with the coral.
 
The story won’t appeal to the masses but it sure is entertaining, if only for the weird and wonderful characters – no, not the humans (honestly, they suck),  I’m referring to Bobby, the dolphin who manages to keep a young and vulnerable deaf child out of harms way by safely nudging her to shore before a killer shoal of fish can submerge her and take her to their evil lair deep beneath the waters surface.
 
Spoiler alert, Bobby, like his aquatic brethren doesn’t hang around much longer, thanks to the government’s answer to the fish threat by bombing the living hell out of every mass gathering of aquatic wildlife it possibly can.
 
Fleshbait is an unadulterated hate filled story of revenge with the creatures of this feature kicking a## and taking names until their super enhanced brains, muscles and voice boxes (they scream fear into the hearts of man all along the shoreline) explode in a pulpy fish chowder thanks to the ticking time bomb thrusted upon them due to radioactive exposure (or that of the government’s clean-up crew).
 
I might refrain from eating tuna for a while after reading this one.

REVIEW: Entombed by Guy N. Smith

 

Simon Rankin is a priest struggling with a wavering faith. After losing his wife to another man and having his children disown him, Rankin is at the crossroads. This is where we find him on his latest mission to rid the world of demons at a haunted (do demon’s haunt?) mansion.
 
The exorcism doesn’t go well and he’s soon questioning his belief in the higher power; is he strong enough to believe? Did he believe hard enough? Did he use holy water or tap water in the exorcism (that’s in jest but you can start to get a feel for the book from this…)? 
 
Fast forward and Rankin is now deeply in love with a women who accidently drove her car into his. After knowing each other for a total sum of five minutes, Andrea is paying Rankin’s way, supplying food, accommodation and her womanly delights – anything to pave the priests way to enlightenment.
 

The madly in-love couple then find themselves embarking on a holy mission to exercise a demon who is terrorising the townsfolk in a long abandoned mine. From the depths of the darkness comes a maddening story sticky-taped together by a character who is just as strange as the plot pieces themselves.

 
Author Guy N Smith is one of my go-to authors for horror. His books are short, straight to the point, and generally entertaining. Entombed is no different, only that it’s chock block full of crazy; somewhere along the line, plot points were meshed together without a lot of rhyme or reason; satanic cults, creepy kids, ghosts, man-eating beasts, and Satan himself all intertwined without really coming together in a logical way – but that’s part of the fun I guess.
 
Entombed isn’t high end horror literature, rather a sugar-high of a fast food snack for the mind. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll have a lot of fun with this one.

Pick Up A Pulp [86]: SWEETHEART THIS IS HOMICIDE by Carter Brown

"That's one hell of a thing for a guy to do!" Bruno said disgustedly. "He comes in here dying all over the place and making trouble for us with the cops!"

    "That's one thing we can't have..."

A racketeer from New York plays detective in a move away from the formulaic approach to Cater Brown's 'lovely' mysteries in Sweetheart this is Homicide (published 1956). 

Former syndicate man, Hugo Dorland, is living the easy life; surrounded by sand, bikini babes, and crystal clear water thanks to the clean get away he successfully orchestrated from the rotten core of the criminally charged big apple. He is sanguine about his prospects for prosperity until his joy turns to melancholy as the smell of cordite and the thin shrills of a scream promise violence from the beach front cabin next door.

A strange series of events unfolds which leads to Dorland landing himself in hot water as the key suspect in a murder case - without any real page time given to said murder case, becoming a bookie and playing a hand in fixing a boxing match (one of the boxer's managers happens to be a syndicate man from New York who was wronged by Dorland earlier leading him to evacuate NY - go figure), and assuming the role of detective to clear his name from the crime he didn't commit. Dolan manages to do all this in his down time when not indisposed by the varied women all too freely throwing themselves at him. 

Sweetheart this is Homicide is on the high end scale of strange for Carter Brown pulps. There are some interesting elements (namely the syndicate man on the lam angle), but the overall direction of the story felt wayward and haphazard. 

Pick Up A Pulp [85]: THE BLONDE AVALANCHE by Carter Brown

 

"I asked around," Tyler said. "People said in showbiz you have to go to Rick Holman. He's real discrete and he gets results."

Rick Holman, Hollywood fixer to the stars is back at it in The Blonde Avalanche, this time investigating the death of Marlene Hurst at the request of her stage partner and one half of the formerly popular stage duet headlined by Matt Tyler. Tyler's motives seem genuine, however his manager, the stunningly beautiful Angie Strong isn't keen on employing Holman's services for reasons unbeknownst to anyone but her. Naturally, suspicion lands firmly on Strong, but not before Holman tries to land his hands on her firm curvaceous wares first. 

"You're stupid, Holman, you know that," she said coldly. "You could've had my vibrant body and maybe I would've shown you a couple of tricks that even you hadn't seen before." 

Holman, as surprising as it is to mention, is at his most viral in The Blonde Avalanche; bedding near any female with a pulse on his way to solving the murder and uncovering a blackmail scheme for good measure. Whilst these encounters of the r-rated kind do progress the story, you get a sense that Carter Brown was trying to see how much smut he could cram into 122 pages and still tell a story. 

Spoiler alert - a lot!

The overly completed plot devices and simpleton characters, hallmarks of many Carter Brown mystery stories are prevalent in The Blonde Avalanche; these are the sort of books that don't take themselves too seriously and read more like a teen wet dream rather than literary crime fiction. Know what to expect going in and you'll have loads of cheesy fun.

I enjoyed The Blonde Avalanche and recommend it for readers with an interest in what I call 'popcorn pulp'. Check it out if you come across a copy hiding in the adult section of a used bookstore. 

REVIEW: Hide by Kiersten White

 

Survival horror in an abandoned amusement park? Sign me up!

Leveraging off modern day reality TV, Hide introduces a band of unsuspecting yet all too willing characters to a contest of hide and seek; the person who outlasts everyone in the daily challenges wins a cool 50k. With the game only playable in the super creepy rundown amusement park during daylight, contestants not only have to make themselves unseen but also protect themselves from the heat - not an easy feet in sweltering conditions. 

While there's hints at future fame and stardom by the promotors, the actual premise of the contest and what opportunities it brings beyond prize money is kept deliberately vague - with good reason.

As the contest plays out and the number of contestants dwindle at days end, the horror slowly seeps in. Where are the 'found' contestants? Why is there no fanfare or update from the promoters? The contestants are kept in the dark, left to let their imagination run wild secure in their nightly compound. 

That, is, until bloodshed reaches their 'oacis' and the innocent game turns violent and very real. 

Hide is a lot of fun to read. The characters, far from being fodder for the horror, read 'real' with each bringing a little something to the story; refreshing for survival horror where character depth can sometime play second fiddle to them being little more than bags of blood waiting to be burst. 

The steady build up to a nightmare crescendo is excellent; the omnipresent tension heightens the scare factor and keeps the paging turning at breakneck pace. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Hide and highly recommend it to horror enthusiasts. 

REVIEW: Blue Hotel by Chad Taylor

She sighed. 'And then I was dead.'

I edged up on my elbow. 'What happened?'

'I was murdered.'

Blue Hotel is a crime noir set in New Zealand. The topography of seedy bars, shady businesses and S&M clubs complements the narrative perfectly. Along with the enigma that is the leather-clad tourist in Blanca Null; the plots' epicentre, Blue Hotel's tone is deliciously dark. 

Taking a lone wolf approach to the murder mystery, Blue Hotel's tainted protagonist, newspaper journalist Ray Moody, wades in waters familiar to readers of this genre. His equal parts bad and redeeming qualities shine through as the story progresses with momentary glimpses of humility amongst the horrors of the investigation. 

The story has a traditional private eye quality to it which keeps the pages turning nicely, whilst providing enough backstory to give Moody some strong character depth. His slow recovery from a alcohol infused car accident and the unravelling of his family life provide a welcome side bar to the plot proper.   

If you enjoy reading crime fiction which has a darker tint to it than the norm, then definitely check this one out.

Many thanks to the fine people at Brio Books for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

Want to know more about this title and others from Brio Books? Head over to their website: https://briobooks.com.au/

REVIEW: The Ghost That Ate Us by Daniel Kraus

Like a burn from a deep fryer, this story will stay with you forever. Especially if you've had the pleasure (or pain?) of working in the fast food industry. 

The Ghost That Ate Us is an incredible work of fiction cleverly disguised as fact. Set within a unique backdrop for a horror story, the workers of Burger City #8, a fast food franchise in Iowa tell their torrid tale of murder, violence, and chillies (the slushy/thick shake-like beverages all the workers are addicted to) via series of found footage, survivor interviews, and social media posts chronicling their decent into madness. 

This approach to storytelling works on so many levels, it's easy to forget you're reading a fictional story stylised as non-fiction. I've got to admit I spent way too much time googling Burger City #8, Game of Pricks, Lil' Beefy, and a slew of other references from the footnotes in the hopes of finding more information about the fast food poltergeist and the colourful characters it tormented. 

I wish I read this when I was a pimply faced teen working at Hungry Jacks (Burger King for those reading from the USA), it would've made those graveyard shifts cleaning the broiler and serving the midnight ghouls through drive window all the more interesting. 

Many thanks to Erin and the fine people at Raw Dog Screaming Press for providing me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. 

Check out more from the publishers website: https://rawdogscreaming.com/

If you want to read more novels by Daniel Kraus, check out the authors website: http://www.danielkraus.com/

REVIEW: Papa Lucy and the Boneman by Jason Fischer

 

"Every Horror walks here..."

Papa Lucy and the Boneman is a literary dark fantasy novel which echoes similar themes prevalent in popular novels such as American Gods by Neil Gaiman and the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, complemented by some iconic visual stimulus akin to Mad Mad to deliver a highly imaginative and immersive experience.  

I won't delve into the depths of the plot as there's so much to take in and I want to avoid spoilers, but I will say, Lanyard's (the protagonist) sojourn across the surreal landscape is never not eventful; from battling horrors unimageable, to facing beings with godlike powers in otherworldly cityscapes, to evolving and dissolving relationships with former mentors, present day captors, and likeminded kinfolk - there's plenty of action and drama to keep the reader on their toes.

The literary stylings make reading Papa Lucy and the Boneman in quick fashion impossible as you're likely to gloss over some pivotal piece of the puzzle. This is a book best savoured; slow and steady certainly wins the race here. 

I can't wait to see where this series heads next!

REVIEW: Blood Mountain by Brenda S. Tolian

 

"Nothing ever prepares you for the strangeness on the mountain." - [12]

Blood Mountain by Brenda S. Tolian is a collection of twelve short stories which form part of a broader narrative centred around a truly harrowing and distinctly horror-infused locale destined to scare and intrigue the reader into a state of apprehensive giddiness and madness with each terrifying instalment. It's like watching the proverbial train crash, unwilling to look away until the last drop of blood hits the already red-stained pavement. 

Opening with 'Blood Mountain' and concluding with 'Seraphim', this collection comprises a delectable dish of horror to satisfy anyone's appetite for nightmare inducing storytelling; monsters, cannibalism, witchcraft, and ghosts to name a few; all manner of macabre is catered for. 

My personal favourites include the aforementioned 'Blood Mountain' which set the tone of the collection perfectly, 'The Stone Mother', 'Snake Man', 'William Zuni', 'The Turning of Tsetah Dibe', and 'What Remains', with an honourable mention to 'Slaughter Lodge' (such a great title and equally entertaining story) - but honestly, I'm just nit-picking, I love them all, however, if forced to pick my 'must read', check those out first. 

I wish more authors took the same approach to Brenda S. Tolian when publishing short story collections as I felt more connected to each instalment, thanks to the familiar setting and reappearing characters and themes (Undersheriff Blackwood and the Red Women spring to mind).

"It was like the mountain had a mouth that just ate them up, never to be seen again, or if they were found, they were in pieces." - Ink Poison

I can't wait to read what comes next!

Review: HERE GOES NOTHING by Steve Toltz

 

Here Goes Nothing is a difficult book to categorise as its doesn't conform to typical genre tropes; with elements of romance, horror, crime, and drama - there's a lot packed into this surreal story. 

Now, to the main character Angus Moody...

He's dead. 

No, that's not a spoiler, rather a key plot point, as the story primarily centres around Angus and his 'life after death' in a mystical realm not fully understood by even the longer term inhabitants who linger there. See Moody died a horrible death and pines for his 'living' wife back on Earth, Gracie, however, stuck in a supernatural realm located somewhere between heaven and hell, all he can do is haunt her (aka scare the sh!t out of her with his paranormal panache). It's during these hauntings that things really get interesting...

Forced to witness Gracie move on with her life (if I can say that, given Angus willingly seeks out Gracie in the 'real world'), he spirals into a state of perpetual torment leading to addiction, destructive behaviour, and questionable life, err, death choices. It's during these chapters I completely flipped on my feelings towards Angus and his killer...(let's just leave that gem there for prospective readers). 

The bigger picture plays out between these paranormal visitations and Angus's 'life' in death. Along the way we discover a little more about what makes Angus tick and how he views not only himself but the wife he left behind in the land of the living. It provokes a heady mix of sense and sensibility (cheesy I know but I had to do it) along with providing an interesting insight into Angus's moral compass. 

If I could sum up Here Goes Nothing in the most ominous way possible in four words it would be: when a stranger calls... let the imagination run wild, strap in, and prepare yourself for large chunks of time utterly consumed by this inventive and entertaining piece of surreal fiction by one of my new favourite authors in Steve Toltz. 

Pick Up A Pulp [84]: BIRD IN A GUILT-EDGED CAGE by Carter Brown

    "I need help," she said. "Badly. I need the help of a man like you, Senor Kane. A man who knows Hong Kong well, a man of action with not too many scruples." 

Andy Kane is a Hong Kong private investigator (probably more akin to a smuggler than P.I...) who typically deals in matters involving the recovery (often dangerous and unlawful recovery, that is) of expensive and rare artefacts for the savoury and unsavoury alike. 

In Bird in a Guilt-Edged Cage (1963), the follow-up to the first Andy Kane novel, Hong Kong Caper (1962), Kane and his co-detective Tess are accosted by the attractive and mysterious Carmen Diez to recover a family heirloom from the wealthy and seemingly shady businessman Mr. Mao. Under great sufferance, (after all having a scantly clad gorgeous babe throw herself at you with the promise of a big payday and herself as a sweetner isn't at all appealing to the womanising Kane!), Kane agrees to visit Mr. Mao at his heavily guarded compound to retrieve the 'Eagle of the Sun'. 

However, as per the formulaic nature of the Carter Brown mysteries, there's much more to the story and before long, Kane and Tess are wading their way through Hong Kong's backwaters on a junk boat, dodging bullets, army personnel, and hired guns - not to mention a second Carmel Diez with claims to the Eagle of the Sun! 

Like its predecessor Hong Kong Caper, Bird in a Guilt-Edged Cage is full of action; think back to those men's adventure novels where the hero always comes out on top and the women are always too quick to shed their clothes to prove how grateful they are to said hero. Whilst there's a healthy dose of that here, Bird in a Guilt-Edged Cage makes for entertaining reading with three distinct story arcs all tied together by some nice plot devices which certainly kept this reader on his toes, making for a more meaty and complex story compared to the run-of-the-mill pulps Carter Brown typically churned out in his prime publishing days.

Side note: Whilst Bird in a Guilt-Edged Cage can be read as a standalone I recommend checking out Hong Kong Caper first; it adds context and backstory to Kane and Tess - more of a bonus than essential reading.