REVIEW: Toxic Love by Kristopher Triana

 

Well, that was an experience... 

TOXIC LOVE is unlike any other book I've read, though the bizarro fiction of Carlton Mellick III comes close. 

Mike Ashbrook is a crime scene cleaner. After the murder, suicide, or death by natural causes, once the police and crime scene investigators have left, after the body (or bodies as is generally the case here) have been taken to the morgue, all that's left behind is body fluid, stains, and small remains. That's where Mike's talents are put to use - sure it's not a great job but it pays the rent and when you've got little by way of job prospects on the horizon and an estranged family needing cash for various expenses, you gotta do what you gotta do. 

Little did Mike know, that, in his mid forties, working a dead end job would lead to a whole new life (both in terms of sex and money). Maybe mopping up blood and collecting skull fragments off the floor ain't so bad after all? 

Naturally the cleaning business doesn't lend itself to long term employees, so when newcomer Sage (a twenty something sexpot) joins Mike on the job as the latest hire, he's thinking he'll be up for a new partner before the end of their first clean-up job together. Instead, he ends up banging Sage on the floor in a pool of the deceased blood...yeah gross... 

That's pretty much how the bulk of the story plays out. Sage is a freak who loves to screw in the fluid the cleaning crew are hired to mop up. Sadly, not all the guys Sage meets are up for this kind of action...good thing Mike's short of morals (though there is some inner turmoil (which largely evaporates are the sight of Sage's bare breasts)) and lacks will power. 

Once the shock value wears off, (which takes some time, believe me), the story clicks over at a steady pace with Sage's desires becoming increasingly taboo - from self harm, to necrophilia to murder, with Mike coming along for the ride - literally. Despite the graphic nature of the content, both Mike and Sage are enjoyable characters who bring life to the tale focused on death.

I was pleasantly surprised at the depth to TOXIC LOVE, in particular the criminal elements which complemented the main story nicely. The introduction of Sage's cousin into the mix was a nice touch and provided a different lens to the horror-erotica.  

TOXIC LOVE is a niche read. If you dig Bizarro/horror-erotica/splatter-punk etc. then this one is perfect for you. As a reader who is relatively new to this style of book, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get into it, however I found myself unable to put it down until I'd consumed all there was to offer.

REVIEW: Paradise Club by Tim Meyer

 

Wow! That was brutal!

I could end the review there really...

PARADISE CLUB is not for the feint of heart. It you're a reader who shies away from copious amounts of blood and gore, or scenes which teeter on the edge of bizzaro-fiction / extreme-horror then PARADISE CLUB isn't for you. If, on the other other hand, you like your horror to be a full immersive experience, viscera and all - then step right up because author Time Meyer sure has served a feast! 

Elliot Harper, an FBI agent, and his family win a vacation to a secluded island (along with some 600 other guests) where they'll be pampered, enjoy crystal clear water and be treated some exotic cuisine. What the pamphlet neglected to mention was that the guests would also be treated to a very exclusive and dangerous game - the Skirmish. More on that later.

Pretty early on in the piece, Elliot knows something isn't right...accidentally stumbling upon a man being tortured and killed in the basement of the hotel you're staying will give you those 'feel bad vibes'. In no time at all the resort is overrun by killer clowns, chainsaw wielding lumberjacks and samurai's to name a few, hellbent on murdering the guests in the most macabre way. Good stuff. 

Horror fans will immediately think of The Purge, which is apt - after all, a select few get free reign on mass murder, but there's a difference. Rather than 'purging America', this group of costumed killers is contributing to a Lovercraftian cause to raise an ancient race! Didn't see that coming did you? The Skirmish is a bloody means to an end which threatens all participants (killers included - there's no discrimination here with some pretty gory murderer-on-murderer violence). 

I had a blast reading PARADISE CLUB which just happened to be my first read by author Tim Meyer and I can tell you, it won't be the last!

REVIEW: The Charnel Caves by Guy N Smith

 

Before I begin my review of THE CHARNEL CAVES I need to disclose that, whist I've read loads of books by Guy N Smith, his renowned 'Crabs' series has remained somewhat elusive to me (it's kinda hard getting hold of those glorious paperbacks in Australia in 2022!), meaning...CHARNEL CAVES is my first foray into the renowned creature feature series by the perennial horror master. 

THE CHARNEL CAVES is the eighth (not including graphic novels, chap books, or short story collections) and final book in the series.  

Note to first time 'Crabs' series readers - this is not the place to start. You will have fun but I strongly recommend taking to the time to read the other books in the series - I felt this would've been much more enjoyable with all that detailed backstory to support the cruel crustacean invasion! 

Now that's all out of the way - what did I think of the book? 

Well...it had its moments...

THE CHARNEL CAVES sees a small resurgence of the long thought extinct monster crabs following a spate of gruesome human deaths off the Welsh coast. However, whilst the crabs would prove to be the culprits, author Guy N Smith does his best to impress upon the reader a new threat! One more menacing than those pesky overgrown crabs (read the book to find out what)! 

While the smoke and mirrors added a little something extra to the sea food broth, ultimately, THE CHARNEL CAVES is about those famous monster crabs and their never ending thirst for human flesh. 

Kept largely to a small cave, the group of crabs manage to cause a lot of chaos. Enter Pat, a character from a previous installment (I think...) who had faced these monsters previously and lived to tell the tale. He's on the coast to conquer his fears, much to the chagrin of his partner. What was meant to be a form of therapy for Pat turns into warfare, as once, again, man verses beast in a final battle to determine who is the dominant species once and for all!

Spoiler - it's the humans. 

THE CHARNEL CAVES is all killer, no filler. On the surface this seems like a good deal for readers, however both plot and character development suffer. Even the threat of world war three doesn't add much depth. It's almost as if THE CHARNEL CAVES was written for a graphic novel, in which case, the scrip and pace would've been perfect.  

Overall, I still enjoyed popping my Crabs cherry with THE CHARNEL CAVES. If anything it's got me even more eager to hunt down all the books in the series!

REVIEW: Clusterfuck by Carlton Mellick III

THE BRO CODE #76

A bro always has his bro's back, especially when being hunted by subterranean cannibal mutants. 

A handful of frat boys and their "girlfriends" (aka glorified f*ck buddies) decide to go spelunking in a little known cave system hidden deep inside a mountain range. Despite having zero experience (aside from watching cave-crawling documentaries on pay TV that is), the group's lack of know-how doesn't deter them. Their supreme confidence and extreme (Dean!) nature for living life to the fullest is all the knowledge they need to conquer the depths of the unknown - who knows, maybe they'll get famous after discovering a new cave dwelling species or something? 

Yeah...no.

Clusterfuck is... well.. awesome. 

There, I said it. Much like Apeshit before it, Clusterfuck has loads of over the top horror in the most macabre way, but somehow author Carlton Mellick III just makes it work...Sure, having a character who loves to bake her own faeces (and other bodily fluid) into cookies and meat pies for her friends is gross but somehow Mellick weaves this into the story so well that it actually feels natural (I kinda threw up in my mouth a little after writing that but it's the truth). 

Strange baking techniques aside, Clusterfuck has similar survival horror themes to other cave dwelling horrors like Hell-O-Ween; a group of characters get stuck in a cave and have to survive an onslaught of horror troupes until day break. Unfortunately for these characters in Mellick's world, they're unable to leave the cave, even after besting their horrible foes...(read Apeshit, Clusterfuck's spiritual prequel, it'll all make sense). 

To spice things up a little, one of the female characters has a hidden talent...turning into a jaguar when angry...who would've thought? Not the cave dwelling mutant/cannibals that's for sure! There's a lot to take in here, but, as mentioned earlier, it somehow fits the narrative perfectly. 

Call it bizzaro. Call it splatterpunk, call it extreme horror. Whatever suits your fancy, Clusterfuck is pure, unadulterated fun. Read it, don't take it seriously, and have a blast! 

REVIEW: Saurian by William Schoell

It's a monster! 

No, it's a alien!

No, it's a dinosaur!

No - it's a shapeshifting alien monster dinosaur which can morph from humanoid form to large reptile in a matter of moments! Logic be damned! This is Saurian by William Schoell... 

Published during the golden (if I can call it that) era of mass market horror paperbacks in the 1980's, Saurian takes the creature feature sub genre to the extreme, with Schoell throwing every bat sh!t crazy idea he can think of at the wall to see if it sticks and by the looks of it, said wall ended up pretty damn poop-smeared once all's said and done. 

Tom, the sole survivor of a 'natural disaster' (if an alien monster dinosaur attack can be considered a natural disaster), has minimal to no recollection of the extinction level event which crippled his childhood beachside slum. As an adult he knows something wasn't right about the terrifying event, his nightmares are proof of that! Glimpses of a large predatory eye, sharp teeth and a massive bulk which darkened the sky haunt his nightly slumber. There's just got to be more to the story...and there is. 

Enter the society of crazy people who believe in these alien beings. Together with Tom, they hatch a plan to unveil the shapeshifter to the world to prove they've been right all along! 

You really need to suspend your sense of reality with this one. Morphing aside, the fact that the authorities or anyone for that matter doesn't cotton on the strange happenings is a but of a stretch but then again, these books are meant to be read with plausibility in mind.  

Overall, Saurian is a fun creature feature which doesn't take itself seriously. I'd recommended picking this one up if you come across it in the wild.